佚名/Anonymous
It's the classic story with a twist, a traveling salesman gets a flat tire on a dark, lonely road and then discovers he has no jack. He sees a light in a farmhouse. As he walks toward it, his mind churns:"Suppose no one comes to the door." "Suppose they don't have a jack." "Suppose the guy won't lend me his jack even if he has one." The harder his mind works, the more agitated he becomes, and when the door opens, he punches the farmer and said yells, "Keep your lousy jack!"
That story brings a smile, because it pokes fun at a common type of self-defeatist thinking. How often have you heard yourself say:"Nothing ever goes the way I planned." "I'll never make that deadline." "I always screw up."
Such inner speech shapes your life more than any other single force. Like it or not, you travel through life with your thoughts spell gloom and doom, that's where you're headed, because put-down words sabotage confidence instead of offering support and encouragement.
Simply put, to feel better, you need to think better. Here's how:
1. Tune into your thoughts. The first thing Sue said to her new therapist was, "I know you can't help me, Doctor. I'm a total mess. I keep lousing up at work, and I'm sure I'm going to be canned. Just yesterday my boss told me I was being transferred. He called it promotion. But if I was doing a good job, why transfer me?"
Then, gradually, Sue's story moved past the put-downs. She had received her M.B.A. two years before and was making an excellent salary. That didn't sound like failure.
At the end of their first meeting, Sue's therapist told her to jot down her thoughts, particularly at night if she was having trouble falling asleep. At her next appointment, Sue's list included:"I'm not really smart. I got ahead by a bunch of flukes." "Tomorrow will be a disaster." "I've never chaired a meeting before." "My boss looked furious this morning. What did I do?"
She admitted, "In one day alone, I listed 26 negative thoughts. No wonder I'm always tired and depressed."
Hearing her fears and forebodings read out loud made Sue realize how much energy she was squandering on imagined catastrophes. If you've been feeling down, it could be you're sending yourself negative message too. Listen to the words churning inside your head. Repeat them aloud or write them down, if that will help capture them.
2. Isolate destructive words and phrases. Fran's inner voice kept telling her she was "only a secretary". Mark's reminded him he was "just a salesman". With the word "only", or "just", they were downgrading their jobs and, by extension, themselves.
By isolating negative words and phrases, you can pinpoint the damage you're doing to yourself. For Fran and Mark, the culprits were only and just. Once those words are eliminated, there's nothing destructive about saying" I am a salesman" or" I am a secretary". Both statements open doors to positive follow ups, such as, "I'm on my way up the ladder."
3. Stop the thought. Short-circuit negative messages as soon as they start by using the one-word command stop! "What will I do if..." stop!
In theory, stopping is a simple technique. In practice, it's not as easy as it sounds. To be effective at stopping, you have to be forceful and tenacious. Raise your voice when you give the command. Picture yourself drowning out the inner voice of fear.
4. Accentuate the positive. There's a story about a man who went to a psychiatrist, "What's the trouble?" asked the doctor. "Two months ago my grandfather died and left me $75,000 last month, a cousin passed away and left me $100,000."
"Then why are you depressed?"
"This month, nothing!"
When a person is in a depressed mood, everything can seem depressing. So once you've exorcised the demons by calling a stop, replace them with good thoughts.
5. Reorient yourself. Have you ever been feeling down late in the day, when someone suddenly said, "Let's go out." Remember how your spirits picked up? You changed the direction of your thinking, and your mood brightened.
這是一則經典故事——一名推銷員深夜行車，不料，車子在一處無人過往的公路段拋錨了。此刻，他才發現自己沒帶千斤頂。恰在此時，他看到一線燈光從一間農舍透出來。於是，他朝那裏走去，邊走邊想：“要是沒有人開門怎麽辦？”“如果他們沒有千斤頂怎麽辦？”“或許他們有但不借給我又該怎麽辦？”他越想心裏越不踏實。在門打開的同時，他打了農夫一拳，並大聲吼道：“把你那該死的千斤頂收起來吧！”
這個故事聽來很可笑，它是對那種自我挫敗者的思維的一大諷刺。曾有多少次你對自己說過這些話呢——“沒有一件事是按我的預想進行的。”“我不可能按時完成。”“我總會把事情搞砸。”
這種內在想法比任何外在因素更能影響你的生活。不論你是否相信，這種悲觀消極的思想都會伴隨你一生。你必須直麵這個問題，因為，貶低自己不會給你帶來任何支持和鼓勵，隻會削弱你的自信心。
總之，要想自己過得開心，就得往好的方麵想。以下有幾點建議：
1.轉變思想。蘇對她的心理醫生說的第一句話就是：“醫生，我很清楚，你幫不了我。我做什麽都不如意，工作也一塌糊塗。我覺得自己要被老板炒魷魚了。昨天，老板要把我調離，他說這是晉升，可是，我做得很好，他為何要調我走呢？”
接著，蘇又慢慢轉移了話題。兩年前，她獲得了MBA學位，有一份高薪工作。由此看來，她算不上是一個失敗者。
第一次心理治療結束後，心理醫生讓蘇把想法寫出來，特別是在晚上失眠時寫。第二次治療時，醫生看到蘇這樣寫道：“我一點也不聰明，我總遇到倒黴的事。”“明天肯定很倒黴。”“我從來沒組織過一次會議。”“早上，老板看起來很生氣，我該如何是好呢？”
她承認：“就一天工夫，我列出了26條消極的想法。難怪我總是情緒低落，困倦乏力。”
醫生大聲念著蘇的憂慮和猜疑。蘇突然意識到，她把太多的精力浪費在假想無端的災難上。情緒低落時，這可能是給自己製造的麻煩。試著聆聽回響在耳畔的聲音，大聲地反複地說出來或寫下來吧，或許會對你有所幫助。
2.別讓消極思想乘虛而入。弗蘭心裏總在想：“你不過是個秘書。”馬克也常提醒自己：“你隻是個推銷員罷了。”就是這些“不過”或“隻是”讓他們輕視自己的職業，從而貶低了自己。
隻有阻止這些消極思想的侵入，你才能清楚地看到，這種結果正是自己造成的。對弗蘭和馬克來說，這些“不過”和“隻是”就是罪魁禍首。隻要消除這些悲觀字眼，說“我是個推銷員”或“我是秘書”就不會帶來任何傷害了，並且，這樣說還能給思想注入積極的因子，比如，我們可以說：“我會更上一層樓。”
3.停止悲觀的想法。一旦那些悲觀思想向你襲來，要馬上停止接收這種負麵信息。隻要有諸如“要是……，我該怎麽辦？”之類的想法，應馬上終止去想。
理論上，停止去想說起來很簡單，可實際操作，就不如說起來那麽容易了。我們應善於製止悲觀思想的滋生，應變得堅韌頑強。一旦決定抑製悲觀思想，你得提高音量，想象著把內心的恐懼驅逐出去。
4.要有樂觀積極的心態。有一則故事是這樣講的——一個人去看心理醫生。醫生問他：“怎麽了？”他回答說：“兩個月前，我的祖父過世了，留給我7.5萬美元。上個月，我堂兄也去世了，留給了我10萬美元。”
“那你怎麽還這麽沮喪？”
“但這個月，我什麽也沒有！”
一個人情緒低落時，他看什麽都不順。一旦這種消極思想從腦海中排解，一種積極上進的思想便會取而代之。
5.轉移注意力。你曾在工作一天後情緒不佳嗎？此時，會突然有人提出“我們出去玩”之類的話嗎？還記得你的心情是怎樣調動起來的嗎？把思維的角度轉個方向，你就豁然開朗了。
jack[d??k]n.插座；千斤頂；男人
You need a jack to lift the car before repairing it.
修汽車前，你得用千斤頂把汽車抬起來。
furious[?fju?ri?s]adj.狂怒的；猛烈的
Facing such furious competitions, they can't win at all.
麵對那樣激烈的競爭，他們根本不可能贏。
culprit[?k?lprit]n.犯人；罪犯；刑事被告；肇事者
The police are now on the scent of the culprit.
警方已獲得罪犯的線索。
tenacious[ti?nei??s]adj.緊粘不放的；固執的；不屈不撓的
He hold on to my arm with a tenacious grip.
他緊緊抓住我的手臂不放。
貶低自己不會給你帶來任何支持和鼓勵，隻會削弱你的自信心。
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隻有阻止這些消極思想的侵入，你才能清楚地看到，這種結果正是自己造成的。
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我們應善於製止悲觀思想的滋生，應變得堅韌頑強。一旦決定抑製悲觀思想，你得提高音量，想象著把內心的恐懼驅逐出去。
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I always screw up.
screw up：擠成一團；弄糟；搞亂；弄亂
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I got ahead by a bunch of flukes.
a bunch of：一堆；一束；一群
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